The Nets are on NBATV tonight. Which means the whole country will be getting a look at their persisting mediocrity.  If by "the whole country," I mean "maybe four people not watching the non-stop Super Tuesday coverage and me."  I'm holed up in my room because my housemates care about politics lots.  I care about checking out Stromile Swift's street clothes and Pau Gasol in a purple & gold.  (Seriously, Rod, you couldn't get me a Spaniard for my birthday this year? What's a girl got to do!?)  So I think some running commentary is in order.

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I would also like to take a moment before the game starts to bid a fond farewell to Jason Collins.  I've said a lot of negative things about him in this space and on the other blog.  I carried on (and on, and on) about how he shouldn't be starting for any NBA team (or NBDL team for that matter).  I initially reacted with glee when I learned he was traded.  In my mind, anyone had to be more effective, even a perennial underachiever such as Stro.  However, the truth is I never wanted to see Twin banished from the Swamp.  I wanted to see him as more of a role player off the bench.   His coaches and teammates have always respected him and he's always played hard.  I just wanted the team to use him in a more appropriate manner.  But you can't have your cake and eat it too.  (Which is stupid, because what's the point of having cake if you can't eat it?)  So fare thee well, Jason.  I appreciate everything you did for these Nets and their fans.

Now with RJ and his BFF Luke Walton on the screen, let's get this party started...

FIRST QUARTER:

Kevin Dockery, R-Dubs McQuarters and Sam Madison went to the Knicks game last night.  I'll be really sad if none of the SUPER BOWL CHAMPION NEW YORK GIANTS are at the Nets game tonight.  You know, considering they play in the same sports complex. 

Sean Williams block count goes to 1 in the first minute already.  If he keeps this up, he'll have 48 blocks.  That would be like a record or something, right?

Carter and Kidd each have 3-pointers in the first 2 minutes.  And that's bound to last a very tiny amount of time.

Ahhhh fuck.  RJ went down in 2 minutes.
On further viewing, he just took Lamar Odom's elbow directly to the center of the face, from above.  It's swelling up to the size of Antoine Walker's fat head.

Pau's first points as a Laker result from him catching his own airball and putting it back.  I feel really really good about the PAU Era in Lakerville.

And Vince's 2nd attempt at a 3 shoots right back out to the top of the key from the front of the rim.  I must be psychic.  Or, in the alternative, we return to your regularly scheduled program: Errant Jumpshot Theater.

As dumb as I may have found the Hack-A-Boone method the Warriors used a week or 2 back, Josh Boone really is not very good at free throws. 

Apparently Boki is averaging 9.8 points per game this season?  Which is a career high, clearly.  I'm curious what his shooting percentage is.  I have a hunch that it's not a career high.

Kobe just blocked the hell out of a seemingly easy JKidd layup from behind.  And it makes me really uneasy to type out that Kobe did anything "from behind."  Let's move on.

Ronny Turiaf is Mark Jackson's favorite bench player in the league.  I can't really argue with the logic behind it, even though I don't think there is any.  The dancing? The Frenchness?  The smiling?  I don't know.  But VIVE LE FRENCH RONNY, anyway.

Kobe has behind-the-back passes now.  Which is interesting, because for awhile there I wasn't sure he even had any standard bounce passes in his repertoire.

Ah, the bricked long range jumpshot- that I definitely knew JKidd had in his repertoire.

Mark Jackson called Farmar a "good looking player."  I have to assume he means his game looks good, cuz Jordan Farmar is an ugly mofo.

The Lakers are averaging over 107 points per game this season.  That's a lot.  It's going to be higher tomorrow too, because the Nets play defense that can best be described as "shitty to none."

Nenad is taking off his warmups!  TAKE IT OFF!!!  I mean...NENAD TIME!!!

False alarm.  No Nenad yet.  Vince is doing some serious sulking.  It's over a foul, but I'd like to believe it's because he wanted to see Nenad play too.

Nets end the first up by 1.  Will it last?  I predict that it will not.

SECOND QUARTER:

During the break, Vince went over to the broadcast table and asked Jackson whether he committed that foul or not.  Marv refused to make eye contact w/ him and then made fun of him after the fact.  I kind of love Marv.  Hooker biting and all.  (note: Timely!)  But Mark kept it real.  Vince looked displeased.

Another Jackson note- he knows RJ's parents. And apparently they would be proud that he's still playing after getting his eye socket x-rayed and then bandaged up.  It sounds like RJ's parents have low expectations.

The NBA "Where Amazing Happens" campaign is alright, I guess, but the Nets version is especially stupid, even if you don't take into account the fact that Kidd's "Where focus happens" is ironic at this point in time.  The most ridiculous one ever though is 2 kids in the Nets crowd...and it says "Where KIDDs happens."  What the shit, NBA? 

Our first GMEN sighting- Aaron Ross and Michael Johnson. 

What is a "fake hustle standing ovation?"  Mark Jackson says the Giants deserve more than that for their Super Bowl performance.  Mark Jackson might be drunk tonight.

And Marv mentions that Vince is still "sulking" over Mark's honesty.  He's openly mocking him now.  Mark joins in and calls him a "spoiled athlete" in a roundabout fashion.  I love this team.

NENAD TIME!!!  Soon?  Please?  If not, stop showing him getting ready to come into the game until he's actually coming into the game.  I hate teases, YES Network cameramen, and you are being teases.

The Lakers take the lead behind Vlad Rad and the game might get away from the Nets here. 

MICHAEL STRAHAN IN THE HOUSE!!!  Sorry, let's try that again.  MICHAEL STRAHAN IN THE IZOD CENTER!!!
I'd make a joke about him showing up midway through the 2nd quarter as related to skipping training camp, but dude...18-1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yeah, the Nets game.  Uhhh...yeah, more sulking from Vince.  No idea why. Probably because that's just what Vince does.  Even though he just had a pretty strong move to the basket.  It won Mark Jackson back over.  At least for the next minute or so.

We can now watch any NBDL game we want for free on D-League.com.  Good news for the Boom Tho Movement.

Kobe hurt his pinky finger apparently.  I was gonna make fun because it's a freaking pinky finger, but he is grimacing something fierce. ...From behind.  Hm.  Yup, still uneasy.

I'm zoning out here between Vlad Rad Time and the Partial Vince Show.  I'm exhausted.  Also kind of bored. 

I've reached the point where unless I really really like someone or they're particularly entertaining, I have no patience for chit chat.  But instead of just ending conversations, I try to sustain them but end up getting really annoyed and bitchy.  I'm aware it's just me.   I think I just need more sleep.  Among other things.

Yes Vince, yes. Hug Strahan.  Maybe some of the "winner" will rub off.  (Yeah, right.)  Strahan tells the sideline reporter that he has been able to sleep, but hasn't been able to sleep.  Also glowingly endorses Mark Jackson for...I have no idea what. 

VINCE DUNKED!  HE DUNKED!  HE CAN STILL DO IT!  I KNEW IT! 
I think Mark challenged him after Magic said he couldn't do it anymore.  I mean...is that what it takes?  Shouldn't he want to play hard anyway? 
Ohhh and now Vince is smiling.  Man, he is an emotional roller coaster.

I think when I was bitching and moaning about...well, about bitching and moaning, or maybe during the Strahan interview where the game wasn't really being shown, ol' NENAD got in the game for 2 minutes.  According to the box score.  He missed a shot and grabbed a board.  HE'S BACK, BABY!!!

Annnnd Malik Allen tied the game up to go to halftime.  I'm gonna lie down and hopefully not fall asleep so I can come back for the 3rd.  I know everyone is wishing and hoping!!!

THIRD QUARTER:


Yayyyy, I made it.  I tried to watch the Primary coverage, but ended up watching the end of "Idol."  I officially fail at life.  Almost as much as the Nets, who started the 2nd half w/ 2 straight turnovers.  Or 3 turnovers in 2 possessions, according to Mark Jackson.  I'm not sure how that's possible. 

Now, I'm not certain, but...I could have sworn I'd mentioned before how much I detest the Vince Carter "careen wildly in the general vicinity of the lane and throw the ball in the general vicinity of the basket and hope for a foul call" move.  But just in case I've never mentioned it before?  I. Fucking. HATE. That. Shit.
Seriously, fuck you, Vince.  Fuck you and your crippling abortion of a contract.

Stromile Swift's street clothes are pretty dapper.  You go, Stro. 
And Mark just called him a "bigger, more experienced Sean Williams."  That sounds pret-ty optimistic, Mark. 

Vince did go to dunk on Vlad Rad on the break, but...Vlad Rad did not allow it.  Vlad Rad will not allow himself to be posterized.  Good for Vlad Rad.

Lots of missed shots for the Nets the last few minutes, and I think I see where this is headed.

Jackson observes that when Vince isn't "fallin' in love with the jump shot" and is "puttin' it on the floor," he is able to score points.  Since this is something we're all aware of, I'm hoping Mark intends to share this information with Vince in addition to his dunking ability challenge.  Because at this point, everyone is aware of the fact that Errant Jumpshot Theater is ineffective except for Vince and I'm more or less at my wit's end with him, and it, and all of this. 

It is a "3-Point Festival" in the quarter, according to Marv.  I think this is an exaggeration, and also ridiculous.  There are no indicators of festivities whatsoever, anywhere near the court.  Maybe in NYC, where Strahan said he has many parties left to attend tonight.  But the Meadowlands looks predictably festival-free.

I always think that players look weird in their new jerseys when they first get traded.  But Pau in purple feels right for some reason.

Nets go into the 4th quarter only down 4, but it feels like it should be more.  They're pretty sloppy.  Sloppy...like your MOM.

I don't even know.

FOURTH QUARTER:

Sly taught Aaron Ross to use the t-shirt gun!  That's my favorite part of this game so far. 

By the way, who is the old white dude sitting w/ Strahan? 

PAU! is carving up the Nets defense.  Sorry, Nets "defense."  Gotta use terms like that loosely around here.

Kobe gave some kid bunny ears.  From behind.  Yup.  Still pretty uneasy there.

The Nets fans booed an open Luke Walton layup, and while I don't condone booing your own team, booing lack of defense is pretty smart, as far as fans go. 

Speaking of smart fans, some dude tried to tell me the other day that Byron Scott was the greatest Nets coach of all time and he stopped caring about the Nets when Scott was fired.  I laughed in his face. 

Today some 5' tall kid w/ a ponytail tried to hit on me by blocking my path, making me take my headphones off and telling me he "just wanted to say hi."  First I laughed in his face for trying to pick up chicks in the Georgetown Park mall thingie.  Then I gave him 2 minutes, just to be polite.  When he said his name was Juan Carlos but didn't know who JUAN CARLOS NAVARRO!!! was, I told him I had to go.  He said "I could call you sometime."  I said, "You could, but you won't," and walked away.  He yelled after me that he could if he wanted to, because he's that good.  I told him to work on that.  Presumably, he is working on it right now.  Hopefully he'll continue to work on it out of my line of vision for the rest of eternity.

Can you get a legit All-Star big man that has the package?  Well, Mark, it depends what you mean by "package."  Also, I think you might be more drunk than Paula Abdul was on Idol.  That's a pretty difficult feat there, Mark.

Yeah, I am definitely going to fall asleep as soon as this game ends. 

I think Odom was trying to make an indignant face like he got called for a charge, but then the blocking foul got called on Boki, but then it was too late to un-make the face, so he had to pound his chest while he looked all whiny.  Nice transition, Lamar.  I am impressed, for sure.

Mark is adamant that the Lakers are the favorite in the West right now.  And while I would definitely agree they are one of the favorites...can we really say we expect them to beat the Spurs, Suns and Mavs in a 7-game series?  Or even the Jazz?  Because I'm not quite there yet. 

I'm calling the game right now, with 3:21 left.  The Nets will not erase a 10 point deficit.  They are not capable, in their current incarnation.  Because you know we're about to see -- yup, there it is, Errant Jumpshot Theater.  If the Giants didn't win the Super Bowl 48 hours ago, I'd be throwing shit at my tv right now.

Pau might be having the time of his life right now, but you'd never know it looking at him.  He always looks all broody.  I would love to read his mind.  But then I guess I'd have to learn Spanish.  And I swore to my mom it wouldn't matter if I took French class in high school because I would never need to speak Spanish.  Good job, Becky.

It's been over a year since Kobe scored less than 10 points.  He only has 6 with over a minute left.  And he looks happy.  Probably because the Lakers are up 11.  PAU! really is making this a top 3 team, I guess.  Like immediately. 

Nets crowd chanting "MVP" at Kobe, even after a crap game.  From behind.
And this one's over.  Just as fun as I predicted.

And Kobe would like us to know there is a God.  Thanks for your religious views, Mr. Bryant.  He also says he has no feeling in his hand.  FROM BEHIND.




From: stopmikelupica

If you catch your own airball, isn't that a travel? On the playground it's called a "receive".

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